Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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