i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
