I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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