i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
