i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
