i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
