i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
