I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
