Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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