Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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