just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
