There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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