There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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