I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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