I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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