Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
