I will die if light touches me.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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