Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
