Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need Xanax blowdarts
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize