I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
