I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
