So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
There's even glitter on my cock...
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