her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
