Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
