At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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