he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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