im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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