Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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