I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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