I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
