I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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