And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
