The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
