i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
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We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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