I cut my penus on the lid.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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