Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
