I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
