How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Fuck appropriateness.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just gift wrapped bread.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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