I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
