I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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