he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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