The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
