At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Come on in and take your pants off
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