ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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