you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
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Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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