oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
