I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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