Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
