It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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