i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
