I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
the day after is always just damage control
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
