is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
