girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
