So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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