Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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