There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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