i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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