So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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