I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
