i already hear my dad disowning me
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
