Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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