if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
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