he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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