I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
